My Enemy, My Friend

I'm worried!

My Enemy, who is also my friend, is nowhere to be found! Alarm and dismay?
Did he go to a strip club last night? And did he go home with a dancer named Saffron who reminded him of his mother? Except for the glass eye? And did she leave him tied to the bed with mayonaise spread on his chest while she took off with his wallet and his car and headed back to her no-good pimp boyfriend in Pahrump with a quart of NyQuil in her stomach and a tear in her one good eye?

I'm afraid maybe so...